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You Might Be A Redneck Witch If....

If your broom has 4 wheel drive and South Carolina plates.

If you pray nightly to the God of Big Tires.

If you have a combined Maypole dance/Tractor pull/Turkey shoot for
Beltane.

If you cancel the Coven meeting to watch Pay-Per-View Wrestling.

If you can play The Burning Times on the banjo.

If your Covenstead is propped up on cinder blocks.

If you pray to the Gods of Cheap Beer and NASCAR.

If your robes are made of demin with Harley-Davidson patches.

If your favorite Great Rite partners are your first, second, and third
cousins.

If you invoke the spirits to make your beer last longer.

If your favorite libation is brewed in an illegal backyard still.

If your favorite picture of the Goddess says "Miss September".

If you sacrifice barbecue and pork rinds on an altar made of old car
hoods.

If your altar cloth is a confederate flag.

If you have prayed to a Bud Beer can.

If you ever used a Keg for a cauldron.

If your familiar is a possum or a coon dog.

If your ceremonial robe is Bubba's oversized tee shirt.

If you learned potion making from watching Granny on the Beverly
Hillbillies.

If you use large fuzzy dice for rune casting.