A Wheely Good Weekend.

[puddingcat]

I spent mopst of Friday through to a bit of Monday in Norfolk with (takes deep breath) nurse_liz, kowt and brother, nannyo, Mup, professoryaffle, rms, dr_wez, minspi, Stubeedoobeedoo, and geekpsi. Nobody attempted murder or GBH, nobody drowned in the river, nobody threw a hissy fit, and nobody got lost. Not a bad holiday, really.

Cromer in January isn't recommended for a shopping trip, however. Although, having said that, I did get a couple of lovely necklaces; one red leaf (which I can't find on the Artyfax website), and one silver & pale green enamel one by Pilgrim.

Otehr than that, I ate lots (including fairy cakes made from Real Fairies), drank a bit (but less than I'd expected; I brought home half my beer & more than half my sake), made a tactical withdrawal from a jigsaw puzzle, learned how to play mahjongg (if not how to score it) and passed on the next few Saiyuki volumes to nannyo (who was amused as I was about the many varieties of "monkey" insults flying between the mahjongg players).

After dropping minspi at the station and finding lunch, dr_wez kindly informed me that I looked shattered, so I left him to his haircut and went home. Where Cleo was so happy to see me that she came downstairs and walked all over me, despite professoryaffle being in the room, never mind the house.

Then I slept for 2 hours. Mmmm, sleeeeep.

I have a few photos, which I shall upload once at home. For now, I'm trying to remember how to work, hoping my stuffy nose doesn't develop into a Real Cold, trying to avoid the Duo website (*glares* at daegaer and louiselux) and absently wondering how I can become more feminine. I want to be more feminine. How do I manage this without crossing the line into "crap"?

Comments

[scribblemoose]

That's weird, because I think of you as feminine anyway. I mean, not pink-and-fluffy feminine, but definitely feminine.

(I uploaded more Keiran, for I am your Slave and you sumbliminally made me do it. Obviously.)

*hugs*

[puddingcat.livejournal.com]

I saw :D I've read & loved, and will comment properly this evening :)

I think it's the difference between being the sort of person who gets offered help, because people like looking after her, and the sort of person who attracts needy clingers. Not that I want to be a needy clinger myself, but just that I don't want to be seen as a Totally Competent Person Who Needs Nothing And Nobody - and that has a link in my mind to being delicate & girly.

[scribblemoose]

Oh, you mean a giggly blonde stereotype who can't (or lets on she can't) fix her own car...

Nah, never appealed to me. ;)

[puddingcat.livejournal.com]

No! Nonono!

I mean an ethereal floaty fragile beauty who drifts rather than walks, and lets people do stuff for her *because they want to* :)

[scribblemoose]

Oh, one of those. Nah, never appealed to me. Too independent and practically-minded, I fear! (Plus possibly over-cynical about other peoples' motives, but lets not go there...) But good luck with it! I suspect a bit of chiffon and some heels and you'd be fine. ^_^

[claire-wain.livejournal.com]

Oh, her!

She's over there, holding my unicorn. ;p

[nannyo.livejournal.com]

yeah, and hating herself for not being competent!

[scribblemoose]

And, hang on a minute, and please feel free to wap me if I'm taking this too seriously all of a sudden, but this suddenly rang alarm bells for me. Anyone worth their salt will recognise that you have needs as a person, regardless of your personal strength and competence. Everyone has needs. Isn't being 'feminine' to demonstrate that you need things a form of passive aggression? (Something which I can't imagine you being, for the record.)

There are ways of expressing vulnerability without surrendering your own strength. I suppose would argue that you don't have to be one (strong and competent) or the other (fragile and dependent) - we're all a mixture of both.

And in my experience, people who attract help on the grounds of their own apparent fragility actually more often than not attract the kind of person who's more about controlling them than truly supporting them. Support works best as equal exchange.

and now I'll shut up. Feel free to ignore my rabid ramblings!

[puddingcat.livejournal.com]

Ok. Cue Bad Self-Insertion Embarrassing Simile:

I feel like Gojyo (minus sex appeal, of course). I want to feel like Yaone. Does that make it better?

I have my own alarm bells dinging about this. I've poked my brain lots and I'm comfortable I'm not thinking this because anyone's criticised me or knocked me back for being too ungirly. Nobody's said they'd be interested if only I were more feminine. It's all coming from *me*.

I certainly hate the idea of standing around being *obviously* helpless, just to get attention. What I'm trying to address is somethig I started to talk about with Sue before moving; that I've been on my own (living alone, as much as being single) for so long that I've *had* to become thoroughly self-sufficient - and that shows in my general attitude and bearing. Coming across as "I don't need anybody" - which we agreed I could do - can be very offputting to people - I know what the "what would they ever see in me?" feeling is like, and I can accept that my independence could potentially induce it in others.

So there are two bits to this. The appearance thing, because I *want* to feel pretty, dammit, and the independence I Am A Rock bit, because I want to learn how to let people know I'm not totally happy on my own without looking needy & desperate.

[scribblemoose]

I'm sorry, I can't imagine Gojyo without the sex appeal, it's totally alien to me. ^_~

I think you'd be really, really surprised by how people see you. Maybe it's different because we met online first, but then again we didn't know each other very well before squeefest, and the person I met there I found to be funny, smart, kind, capable, a strong woman in the best sense of the phrase, but in no way standoffish. You were very friendly to everyone - that's not the behaviour of an 'I don't need anybody' person. That's not to say that you're always like that, of course, but none of the other times we've met has made me think differently.

I also, honestly, think you do look pretty. Your eyes are gorgeous, and you have that cute nose thing going for you, and you don't look instantly crumpled in anything you wear (like wot I do).

I'm not just trying to be nice here, I just wanted to make the point that what you feel on the inside isn't necessarily what others think of you from the outside.

I think what tempers your independence, and has helped you to form relationships with people when I've seen you, is your kindness. You're genuinely compassionate and sympathetic towards people, and that's what overcomes the effects of your independence.

Also, you're not *always* independent. I remember watching the sea with you that night and for two strong independent women there was a fair bit of fragile co-bonding going on too, right?

In short: you're probably already far closer to what you want to be than you think you are. *hugs*