puddingcat | A Wheely Good Weekend.

Entry tags:

A Wheely Good Weekend.

I spent mopst of Friday through to a bit of Monday in Norfolk with (takes deep breath)

nurse_liz,

kowt and brother,

nannyo, Mup,

professoryaffle,

rms,

dr_wez,

minspi, Stubeedoobeedoo, and

geekpsi. Nobody attempted murder or GBH, nobody drowned in the river, nobody threw a hissy fit, and nobody got lost. Not a bad holiday, really.

Cromer in January isn't recommended for a shopping trip, however. Although, having said that, I did get a couple of lovely necklaces; one red leaf (which I can't find on the Artyfax website), and one silver & pale green enamel one by Pilgrim.

Otehr than that, I ate lots (including fairy cakes made from Real Fairies), drank a bit (but less than I'd expected; I brought home half my beer & more than half my sake), made a tactical withdrawal from a jigsaw puzzle, learned how to play mahjongg (if not how to score it) and passed on the next few Saiyuki volumes to

nannyo (who was amused as I was about the many varieties of "monkey" insults flying between the mahjongg players).

After dropping

minspi at the station and finding lunch,

dr_wez kindly informed me that I looked shattered, so I left him to his haircut and went home. Where Cleo was so happy to see me that she came downstairs and walked all over me, despite

professoryaffle being in the room, never mind the house.

Then I slept for 2 hours. Mmmm, sleeeeep.

I have a few photos, which I shall upload once at home. For now, I'm trying to remember how to work, hoping my stuffy nose doesn't develop into a Real Cold, trying to avoid the Duo website (*glares* at

daegaer and

louiselux) and absently wondering how I can become more feminine. I want to be more feminine. How do I manage this without crossing the line into "crap"?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Aaaaaaaagh Duo Boots. I don't think about them a lot.

The skirt/boots combo you wore to the classic car show the first time we met was feminine and fabulous and not at all crap!

I think I need to wear more skirts. Or possibly, skirts more. I live on trousers and these make sitting like A Bloke far too easy.

I don't need new boots. I don't need new boots. I don't need new boots. I don't need new boots. This isn't working.

Skirts are great, and always look fine, unlike trousers which have to be perfect and never are. Or skirts over trousers which I do often and people seem confused by.

I don't need new boots either. Oh no, not at all. Which pair aren't you buying?

The Duo Boot showroom in Saville Row is so lovely. They're so nice and not at all snooty although I behaved myself and didn't lick the boots which might have made a difference.

I want to go to the Duo showroom so badly. But hey - I just found Flat. Purple. SUEDE. boots (http://www.duoboots.com/calf_fitted_boots/casual/toulon/39/N) - online only! *drools quietly*

I like skirts over trousers too - or the little dresses that I've been making.

I want to be more feminine.

You're pretty and have boobs! How much more feminine could you be?

I feel big & loud & clumsy & coarse, and I want to feel girly & floaty and delicate and graceful!

I don't think I'll ever stop finding fart jokes funny, but I think pretending they didn't happen could be a start.

I think you should just be yourself!

Now I know I've not spent much time in your company, but I didn't find you to be big & loud & clumsy & course at all. Maybe you were just on your best behaviour and would normally have been belching and farting like a docker, but I don't believe it somehow! :)

I mean by all means, be more floaty and delicate and all that if it makes you happy. So long as you're still you, that's the important thing.

I have a Mahjongg set incl. racks and if you're interested and we can find two more people, we could meet up occasionally and play. It's good fun as long as somebody knows how the scoring works. I might still have

gandalftheblack's simplified version we used when we used to played at the Druids.

Aw @ Cleo. :o)
I briefly met

razornet and

vyvyan's kittens last night. They are extremely cute.

That could work! Once I have some spare time...

Cool!

I agree with

pmoodie. :D Although I did see some gorgeous red silk polka dot 1940s gowns the other day, that might do the trick. I can't remember the website right now though, bah.

Yes! The 40s / 50s look is what I'd like to be able to do!

I want to look like

this_is_my_name - all floaty and arty and stuff. Possibly, getting my hair cut was a bad idea.

Your hair is adorable.

And although this_is_my_name looks totally gorgeous and yes, feminine, and did I mention gorgeous? - I think personally what makes her most attractive is her strength and energy, and her self-expression. She could dress in a tweed suit with pearls and somehow she'd still exude her own individuality.

And you do, too, already. I'd bet you don't appear to others anywhere near how you think you do!

God, I can't stop spamming your journal this afternoon. I'll go do some work now, promise!

This one possibly? :) *dress pimping*

I've been ogling it from afar, like those boots. Mmmm, boots. If only I thought I could actually walk in those heels...

Umm, more skirts less combat boots I guess. Not that I think it matters much, you look great anyway.

Thank you! Yes; I think more skirts is the way forward. Which means getting this gym membership off the ground, since several of my skirts are too tight...

It's funny, cos I always think of you as being much more feminine than me. It's the pink beer I think!

Mind you, I've come away from the weekend desperate to not be thought of as everyone's mum so maybe it is just self-perception thingies...

nannyo you weren't terribly mumsy, just managed to come out with some classic lines over dinner

and for puddingcat you are feminine, you were skirts and heels and makeup, very feminine I wouldn't worry about not being girly

Ah, but I feel like I'm wearing fancy dress when I do so! I want it to feel comfortable and natural, and not mind having to walk slowly because of wearing heels, and have people compliment me for looking pretty, not for having big boobs!

you are pretty and not because of your big boobs, they merely help your fabulous curvy figure

on the feminine clothing front you can either find skirts and pretty blouses you feel comfortable in or make a decision in your head that its not dressing up and stick to it, the first of these options is argubly easier though.

Maybe on the deportment front if you could find the time doing something like some sort of dance class might help as it might you more aware of how you hold yourself

It's possibly a drawback to being a Strong Woman - though I do agree with Laura :)

Sadly, "feminine" in my head equates to those tiny wee girly girls who have long nails and understand hairstyles and can wear skinny jeans and have atching undies (matching sets, that is. Possibly matching my undies to my car is a good example of my problem.). Unfortunately, girly girls usually need looking after, which crosses into crapterritory.

I don't really understand why you want to be those things, because I think you are ace as you are.

Um! Thank you, but who are you?

that was me, for some reason I got logged out.

I think you can be as girly as you like - having your nails done or wearing matching underwear doesn't magically remove your knowledge of cars or Science. Okay, maybe you'd have trouble changing a wheel with acrylic fingernails on, but these things are not mutually exclusive. ;)

Oooh, this is getting closer to the words I can't find!

I don't know how to be girly. You can only learn so much from teen magazines; some things have to be worked out with friends, or shown you by someone. I really do have no idea about a lot of stuff, and getting it worng more often than I get it right gets both expensive & uncomfortable!

What I don't understand is a) what you think you're missing, and b) how finding it will help you. (Maybe that's what you don't understand either!) ;)

I am the least girly girl that I know. Okay, I know a lot about shoes and next to nothing about cars (I know how to replace a broken fan belt with a stocking, but I learnt that in the Guides!), but I've never plucked my eyebrows, I've never had a manicure, I've never had wax applied to any part of my body ~~(okay, not in a hair-removal sense)~~, I never wear make-up, and all my shoes are flat. I only wear a bra when I have to leave the house and I think someone might notice (which I appreciate is a luxury), and despite making skirts and dresses, I only ever wear trousers and t-shirts.

I would consider you to be way more girly than me, but I suspect the crux of the matter is that I don't think I can explain why.

If you are anyone's mum, it must be the Spelling Bee and the Wrathful Pixie of Their/They're/There, surely?

That's weird, because I think of you as feminine anyway. I mean, not pink-and-fluffy feminine, but definitely feminine.

(I uploaded more Keiran, for I am your Slave and you sumbliminally made me do it. Obviously.)

*hugs*

I saw :D I've read & loved, and will comment properly this evening :)

I think it's the difference between being the sort of person who gets offered help, because people like looking after her, and the sort of person who attracts needy clingers. Not that I want to be a needy clinger myself, but just that I don't want to be seen as a Totally Competent Person Who Needs Nothing And Nobody - and that has a link in my mind to being delicate & girly.

Oh, you mean a giggly blonde stereotype who can't (or lets on she can't) fix her own car...

Nah, never appealed to me. ;)

No! Nonono!

I mean an ethereal floaty fragile beauty who drifts rather than walks, and lets people do stuff for her *because they want to* :)

Oh, one of those. Nah, never appealed to me. Too independent and practically-minded, I fear! (Plus possibly over-cynical about other peoples' motives, but lets not go there...) But good luck with it! I suspect a bit of chiffon and some heels and you'd be fine. ^_^

Oh, her!

She's over there, holding my unicorn. ;p

yeah, and hating herself for not being competent!

And, hang on a minute, and please feel free to wap me if I'm taking this too seriously all of a sudden, but this suddenly rang alarm bells for me. Anyone worth their salt will recognise that you have needs as a person, regardless of your personal strength and competence. Everyone has needs. Isn't being 'feminine' to demonstrate that you need things a form of passive aggression? (Something which I can't imagine you being, for the record.)

There are ways of expressing vulnerability without surrendering your own strength. I suppose would argue that you don't have to be one (strong and competent) or the other (fragile and dependent) - we're all a mixture of both.

And in my experience, people who attract help on the grounds of their own apparent fragility actually more often than not attract the kind of person who's more about controlling them than truly supporting them. Support works best as equal exchange.

and now I'll shut up. Feel free to ignore my rabid ramblings!

Ok. Cue Bad Self-Insertion Embarrassing Simile:

I feel like Gojyo (minus sex appeal, of course). I want to feel like Yaone. Does that make it better?

I have my own alarm bells dinging about this. I've poked my brain lots and I'm comfortable I'm not thinking this because anyone's criticised me or knocked me back for being too ungirly. Nobody's said they'd be interested if only I were more feminine. It's all coming from *me*.

I certainly hate the idea of standing around being *obviously* helpless, just to get attention. What I'm trying to address is somethig I started to talk about with Sue before moving; that I've been on my own (living alone, as much as being single) for so long that I've *had* to become thoroughly self-sufficient - and that shows in my general attitude and bearing. Coming across as "I don't need anybody" - which we agreed I could do - can be very offputting to people - I know what the "what would they ever see in me?" feeling is like, and I can accept that my independence could potentially induce it in others.

So there are two bits to this. The appearance thing, because I *want* to feel pretty, dammit, and the independence I Am A Rock bit, because I want to learn how to let people know I'm not totally happy on my own without looking needy & desperate.

I'm sorry, I can't imagine Gojyo without the sex appeal, it's totally alien to me. ^_~

I think you'd be really, really surprised by how people see you. Maybe it's different because we met online first, but then again we didn't know each other very well before squeefest, and the person I met there I found to be funny, smart, kind, capable, a strong woman in the best sense of the phrase, but in no way standoffish. You were very friendly to everyone - that's not the behaviour of an 'I don't need anybody' person. That's not to say that you're always like that, of course, but none of the other times we've met has made me think differently.

I also, honestly, think you do look pretty. Your eyes are gorgeous, and you have that cute nose thing going for you, and you don't look instantly crumpled in anything you wear (like wot I do).

I'm not just trying to be nice here, I just wanted to make the point that what you feel on the inside isn't necessarily what others think of you from the outside.

I think what tempers your independence, and has helped you to form relationships with people when I've seen you, is your kindness. You're genuinely compassionate and sympathetic towards people, and that's what overcomes the effects of your independence.

Also, you're not *always* independent. I remember watching the sea with you that night and for two strong independent women there was a fair bit of fragile co-bonding going on too, right?

In short: you're probably already far closer to what you want to be than you think you are. *hugs*

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

A Wheely Good Weekend.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject