I stole this from the Dilbert Newsletter.

[puddingcat]

One of the most popular machines at my gym is a bizarre-looking contraption designed to strengthen your gluteus maximus. It might seem like a frivolous California vanity thing to you, but it's more practical than you think. For example, if your spouse hogs all the bed covers, just clench the sheet with your butt muscles and hold on. Your spouse will be grunting and tugging while you appear to be sleeping peacefully, never letting on that there's a struggle going on below the surface.

Or suppose you were kidnapped and your hands and feet were tied, but you were smart enough to wear stretch pants. Your butt, properly trained, can be a fierce fighting machine. With a little practice you can learn to disarm a knife-wielding ASSailant.

A huge, muscular butt can also make you appear taller when you're seated. That's a big advantage at business meetings. No one will be the wiser until you stand up and butt-slap the overhead projector against the wall when you turn to leave.

I started using the butt machine myself, with the ultimate goal of making it easier to hold tools for home repairs. If you have only two hands, and you're already holding a flashlight and a screwdriver, you need at least one more set of opposable cheeks to keep the pliers nearby. As a bonus, I figure it will discourage my neighbor from borrowing my tools.